After a phenomenal/exhausting/core memory building trip to Disney with family, coming back to one of the worst week’s we’ve had in a while, was beyond difficult. It is not that anything specific went wrong, but more so that despite all my best efforts to jump back into our routine and not miss a beat, the kids and I just could not find our groove. Every morning felt chaotic, even though we have our morning schedule down; in fact, just about every day, we bordered on missing my oldest kid’s doors being open, and a handful of the mornings including me near screaming and racing out the car, a ball of stress. This then obviously resulted in a quick cool-down as we walked up to the school doors, at that point, me now frazzled that our stressful morning would impact his day and behavior in school. I wish I could say this was isolated to just the morning routine, but our afternoons were just about the same. My youngest fought me on naps daily, finally falling asleep moments before I needed to leave to get my son, and it just set the afternoon up for disaster. Add in the weather change from being in constant sunshine and mild-warm weather to a week of rain and no after-school playground time, and we were just struggle city. 

I spent most of the week feeling utterly depleted. People had actually warned me that after a week of Disney, I myself would need a vacation, but I didn’t really understand it. For me, it really struck me in the realization that it wasn’t so much the physical catching up on laundry, etc. (we were the crazy ones who only packed carry-ons and did laundry on our trip so we didn’t have any coming home), or even getting back into packing lunches and school work, but more the groove of coming back to not being surrounded by family and extra eyes and hands each day. In fact, for me, while the vacation itself may have not been one of relaxation, mentally, for me, it was a huge break having my husband around for eight entire days, as well as a set of grandparents, multiple aunts and uncles, and cousins to help occupy the kids. The fact that I knew I could let my guard down a little bit and let others in to help with the kids (and that the kids thoroughly enjoyed their time with family) provided a much needed vacation I had not realized I needed. Starting each morning and ending each day with my husband in the same place as the rest of us truly allowed me to rest in a sense, and the jump back into my normal day-to-day, as much as I am a pro at it and love the life I have, really did trip me up. I honestly started to feel like a failure thatI just couldn’t seem to get us back on track the way I envisioned, and the kids were struggling in their own ways. Naturally, this just made things worse as I tried to work the kids through without figuring out where I was at, leading to way more than ever necessary arguments and raised voices on my part. If you’ve ever read “The Color Monster,” with your kid(s) by Anna Llenas (which if you have not, I highly recommend it), I felt just like the color monster– completely mixed up.

Finally, it struck me. You see, for me, prayer, and truly leaning into God is a major priority for me. While I was still praying as I always do, I was letting myself become so consumed with outside worries, it was almost making me ill. While it took me a full week of my own stubbornness to recognize this, the moment I did, I felt like a weight was lifted. I could see exactly why I was struggling and not only walk through my own mess, but more easily help navigate my kids’ messes. This is your reminder that your self-care matters. Your beliefs that sustain you, matter. This may look different for each of us, but when you feel totally off, taking that added time to sort through and ground yourself makes all the difference. Your “to-do lists” will always be there; there will always be more laundry to do or something else to dust, (and honestly, it’s a gift in my eyes because it signifies we are alive), so take the fifteen minutes in the tub, or the 20 minutes of meditation, or the 10 minutes of prayer – whatever it looks like for you, USE it. Use that small window to ground yourself because even with the best plans and most organized routines, if you are all jumbled up, none of it will run smoothly.