Sometimes being a parent sucks. Yes, I said it. I adore my children more than anything in the world, and in so many ways, the person I became as a mother is the best possible version of myself. Other times, however, I see the way motherhood has not so positively impacted who I am. For example, the worry. The worry when your child has an allergic reaction or you get caught up in the media stories of deadly illnesses. The fear when your toddler lets go of your hand and darts out the door. It can be crippling for even the most zen parent. The reality is, we all have experienced some kind of traumatic event as a parent that changes the way we look at life moving forward. We have so much love for these tiny humans that it can be overwhelming and the desire to always keep them safe can cause serious panic. I am a naturally anxious person; I admit this. As a parent, though, I really push to have a laid back approach so that my children can take chances without their mother hovering. This works most days, but of course, there are the situations when my guard is down and I least expect it that then throw me into a tailspin. That is when parenthood really sucks. That is when the worry and now guilt comes in— “Was I too laid back?”“Should I not have done this?”“What could I have done differently?”Worst case scenarios flood your mind, even if logically you know everything is okay. These situations change you, sometimes into a person you do not want to be, at least for me, bringing out this ugly side of parenting. I see it when my toddler challenges me beyond belief, and as an imperfect person I lose it, sometimes snapping at him and launching toys into the garbage. I see it when my child has had a mild cold, but no other real symptoms, so I let it play out and then it escalated into something severe. While so many of the moments of parenthood are new and exciting and filled with laughter, others equally bring you to your knees and completely break you down, and. It. Sucks. No other way around it. These are the moments you call a mom-friend in tears that you told your toddler you didn’t like him very much. These are the moments you frantically google allergic reactions to gauge severity for your infant while you anxiously await a return call from your pediatrician to decide if you need to go to the ER. These moments can break you… but then you stop, you take a deep breath, maybe you step away from the situation if it allows it after the dust has settled and you laugh. Or you cry. Maybe both. Maybe you get yourself a bowl (or a pint) of ice cream and/or a large glass of wine (whichever fits the mood). Either way, you find a way to decompress, you probably check in on your little monsters a handful of times, and you prepare to do it all over again the next day, maybe embracing the “suck” just a little bit better than the day prior.
Tag: Parenting
An Unfiltered Glimpse
While we’re all guilty of sharing our highlight reel on social media, it’s equally important to let people see the unedited version of who you are.
Becoming a wife and mama are perhaps the two most beautiful roles I have ever been given. This does not, however, mean that these roles come without their challenges. This journey of motherhood, in particular, changes you; it changes how you approach your life and all the relationships within it. With this, we have a choice. Do we choose to display only what is beautiful, or, give people an accurate look into our lives and grow in genuine community with other men and women who may be very much facing similar situations? For me, I have always preferred the latter, but even more so as a parent, and a wife, who has had the gift of sitting in some of the deepest valleys and meeting incredible people who helped me climb atop the mountains. It would be a disservice then, to not continue to walk in honesty and raw vulnerability so that others know they too are not alone.
Why share an often unedited glimpse into the trials and tribulations I face as a wife and mother?
- So many times, mom friends and I discussed how challenging navigating motherhood can be. While it is beautiful, it can also be downright isolating at times. We are not meant to do life alone — while we choose partners to do life with, when we become parents, these roles change, and in that, it requires adjusting how relationships and growing with them. For me, I have found that being open with other parents is freeing.
- In a world obsessed with social media, it is especially easy to be hard on yourself as a parent. So often, we see the seemingly perfect lives of others and begin to doubt our own abilities, sometimes making us question who we are. While I am all for continued growth, this has to be done on your terms, not because you feel a need to keep up with another person.
I am someone who has always believed in the power of truth. While I do not speak for every parent and spouse, I take into account so many conversations with friends in their rawest moments. I have found that it is in these moments that we learn the most, grow the most, and foster our strongest relationships. A little humor also never hurts.
I want to add that I am not an expert parent and/or partner by any means. Instead, I share what I’ve learned or what has been shared with me simply so help lift that veil of the “perfect” parent and spouse, maybe helping us better ourselves along the way. This journey is filled with continuous twists and turns, a lot of temper tantrums and slaying of dragons, and a whole lot of love. Follow along for:
- Countless parenting wins and parenting fails. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, but we always keep it real.
- Marriage after children. Marriage is hard. Adding tiny humans into the mix along with outside responsibilities can make it easy to put your love life on the back burner. Perfect marriages do not exist, but real ones do.
- Budget friendly ideas for occupying your little humans, date nights, birthday parties, etc. Finances definitely change after kids, but we can still provide our families with amazing experiences.
I will never be the perfect parent, the perfect friend, the perfect family member, nor the perfect partner, but I have found in sharing that with others, it turns out, none of us really are. We often spend so much time judging other people or comparing ourselves, especially our marriages and parenting choices, that we forget that most likely, other people are doing the same. The perfect life is not one I will ever achieve, nor would I want to. The filters are beautiful, but the raw, unedited images are my favorite.
Parenting Unfiltered 