How do we find it when we don’t feel particularly grateful?

We’re in a season of gratitude. This time of year is often referred to as the best time of the year… a time where we are meant to reflect on the incredible blessings we have and attempt to share that goodness with others. It is a time for forgiveness and increased love. Sometimes, however, no matter how hard we try, it can feel like we just cannot find that feeling. You can be the most positive person in the world, and yet some days you just can’t seem to find the silver lining. 

This is where flexing our gratitude muscle comes in. I can speak from experience as we entered Thanksgiving and holiday time, that it is often my favorite time of the year. With two sick kids and a husband working nonstop, and what felt like mounting obligations pulling me in many different directions, however, I felt the joyous feeling I often carry, fading away. In fact, leading into Thanksgiving, it felt like a genuine chore to remind myself of how fortunate I am; I actively recounted my blessings each day and tried to remind myself of the good even though I felt like my world was pure chaos. I felt overtired, overstimulated and caffeinated in an attempt to combat that, over-committed to too many things trying to create community and positive members, instead leaving me feeling more depleted and alone than ever. But… that conscious effort to “flex my gratitude muscle” continued to remind me to keep going. 

I am not saying times will not be difficult. I am not saying we don’t all have days where it is easier to wallow in our own self-pity. I am not saying we aren’t entitled to freak out moments we then are ashamed of. I am saying, however, that in those times, I think that actively flexing our gratitude is a practice I find most helpful. In our house, we did this for the month of November through a “gratitude Turkey.” My oldest drew us a turkey, and each day, we took time in the morning to write out something we were thankful for that day, and then stick it to the turkey as its feathers. Each morning, I watched my kids think about something us they felt grateful for that day… some mornings it was the earth, our house, a cozy bed, various family members; other days were more materialistic items like a specific toy or markers. Each day, however, setting this time and watching them dig deep forced me to take a moment and do the same. It is actually a practice I used to do written out each day, but as the recent months got busier, I started to neglect. I didn’t realize the significance it had until I felt the chaos of the last month try to rob me of my gratitude and joy. 

It’s something to remember as we continue into this holiday season. There will undoubtedly be days that you’re running late and the kids just cannot seem to get on track, or you have to reprimand them more times than not and it is draining. There will be days where someone cuts you off on the highway or takes your parking spot, and if you’re like me, you may use some choice words you’ll have to then apologize to your kids for. There will be those days that just feel forever long where you feel utterly depleted. It’s on these days in particular that it is especially  important to remember that you can still make that choice to flex that gratitude muscle. It may feel forced. It may feel like an added chore you do as you cry in your room counting your child’s breaths/minute, but I can honestly say that as an active practice, it DOES make a difference. So flex it. Make the time. Just like we exercise our bodies and minds for ultimate health and wellness, putting gratitude into an active practice in our daily lives can increase our overall well-being.